struggling...

I picture myself, sitting upon my little ledge. The rocky cliff soars above and disappears in the distance around me. With my knees drawn in, I have little purchase to move around.

In front of me dangles a vine. It represents opportunity and hope. When I was younger, it had swung my way once, maybe twice. It is close enough to see but too far to reach.

Just out of reach, it seems.

I picture myself, watching the vine. It has not moved for many years. I now sit here, in my mid-life wondering why I hadn't jumped at the vine when I was younger. I understand that the rope had swung out of nowhere when I was not ready. I watched it, fearful of missing and falling. Fearful of catching it and not knowing what to expect. Fearful. I watched it go, not fully understanding it might not return. Youth was a time to believe. Midlife is a time to doubt. Old age might be a time to know.

I cannot blame anyone but myself and even not myself. No one told me to grab the vine when it came my way. There was no one to help. No one to ask.
I cannot feel bad for myself. I had my chance. We all do. Some of us expect the vine and some even wait for it. Some know what to expect and some even expect to know.

It is our lot, is it not. We all begin, believing we see everything around us. Later we begin to understand that we really did not see. We try to teach those after us, but they believe they see everything and since what we tell them is not seen it is not believed.

I watch the vine. It has not moved for many years. I do not believe it will move again. I only can wait and watch the vine reviewing what I've missed.